Rethinking parenting: Why expensive gifts cannot replace teaching boundaries and emotional maturity to teenagers

Published: October 15, 2026 10:30 AM IST

In some homes, strict rules are enforced without explaining the reasoning behind them. In others, children are granted complete independence and material luxuries without being taught accountability.

The recent drunk-driving incident at Kerala’s Nedumbassery is far more than a routine traffic violation; it is a critical wake-up call. It demands that parents, educators, and society reflect deeply on the growing pattern of dangerous behaviour among adolescents and young adults. Why do young people knowingly engage in activities that jeopardise their own lives and those of innocent bystanders? Dr Elsie Oommen, Consultant Psychiatrist at Medical Trust Hospital, Kochi, explains.

Adolescence and early adulthood represent a dynamic phase marked by experimentation, heightened emotions, and self-discovery. Neurologically, the brain regions that seek thrill and instant gratification develop faster than those responsible for impulse control, evaluating long-term consequences, and sound decision-making. Consequently, even when teenagers intellectually understand risks, moments of intense excitement can easily overpower mature judgment.

Peer pressure and the pursuit of digital applause
For many young adults, reckless acts are viewed as a test of courage or a shortcut to gaining peer acceptance. There is often an underlying pressure to outdo others and assert superiority. Social media exacerbates this trend significantly. When dangerous stunts are recorded, shared, and glorified online as acts of heroism, it creates a toxic incentive for youngsters to take even greater risks. What begins as an innocent pursuit of validation can result in fatal consequences within seconds.

Substances and the illusion of control
Alcohol and substance abuse further impair critical thinking, slow reaction times, and distort risk assessment. At the same time, intoxication instils a false sense of absolute control. Driving under the influence is not a thrill or a demonstration of youthful passion; it is an act of sheer irresponsibility that endangers innocent lives. When personal choices harm others, such actions can never be justified under the guise of personal freedom.

Where parenting misses the mark
Modern parenting often swings between two harmful extremes: over-regulation or unrestricted freedom. In some homes, strict rules are enforced without explaining the reasoning behind them. In others, children are granted complete independence and material luxuries without being taught accountability. Good parenting involves far more than providing elite education and financial comfort. It requires nurturing emotional maturity, self-regulation, empathy, and personal responsibility. Children must learn that freedom comes with accountability, and every decision carries consequences.

Love is not found in luxury gifts
Many parents mistakenly equate affection with showering their children with expensive gadgets and vehicles. When privileges are granted unconditionally, children fail to appreciate the hard work, sacrifice, and financial reality behind them. They may even develop an unhealthy sense of entitlement. Genuine love does not mean giving children everything they ask for; it means teaching them the difference between wants and needs.

Young people must understand the value of money, the significance of human relationships, and the dignity of labour. Growing up in an environment where everything is easily accessible deprives them of learning resilience. Saying ‘no’ when necessary and setting firm boundaries is not a lack of love. Rather, it is the greatest form of care, equipping them to face life’s realities with dignity and maturity.

Life skills beyond academic excellence
Educational institutions must place equal emphasis on life skills alongside academic performance. Managing emotions, resisting peer pressure, identifying hazards, and developing the confidence to say ‘no’ are crucial competencies for young adults. Intellectual brilliance alone does not guarantee success; youth need moral clarity and behavioural self-control to navigate adulthood effectively.

Is punishment alone enough?
While strict law enforcement and legal penalties are indispensable, punishment alone cannot eradicate dangerous behaviour. We must address the psychological, social, and developmental drivers behind these actions. In high-risk cases, mental health evaluations and professional interventions can prove invaluable. Identifying issues like impulse control difficulties, emotional distress, or substance abuse helps address root causes. However, understanding these factors should serve to correct behaviour, not excuse irresponsible choices.

Redefining true courage
True bravery lies not in recklessly ignoring danger, but in having the strength to walk away from wrong actions despite peer pressure. Society must stop glorifying irresponsible behaviour as heroism. When dangerous actions are celebrated, innocent people frequently pay the ultimate price.

A wake-up call for collective action
Incidents like the Nedumbassery crash must not be treated as temporary news highlights that fade from memory. We need to evaluate the examples we set for our youth. Are we raising independent thinkers who can evaluate right from wrong, or merely demanding passive obedience? High-risk behaviours carry consequences that ripple through families, destroying lives in a single moment.

We cannot shield young people from every danger, but we can equip them to distinguish between healthy growth opportunities and life-threatening reckless acts. The Nedumbassery incident must spark meaningful dialogue, strong family boundaries, value-based education, and strict legal accountability. When it comes to young lives, proactive guidance is infinitely more valuable than post-tragedy regret.